


another

by oddandevander



Series: keep it up [4]
Category: jacksepticeye, septicegos - Fandom
Genre: Alcoholism, Depression, Divorce, Gen, he just wants his kids and his wife, he's so sad im sorry, really just not okay at all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-12
Updated: 2018-05-12
Packaged: 2019-05-05 17:36:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14623722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oddandevander/pseuds/oddandevander
Summary: He sees his kids every weekend.





	another

The weekends were probably the closest that Chase got to happiness. Sometimes he felt happy. Probably. He couldn't really remember. Seeing his kids made his week, at least. Knowing that they still loved him, even though he didn't doubt that Stacy fed them horrible things about him. They played games. Chase cooked breakfast for them. It was nice to feel like a father.  
  
At the same time, it felt like he missed everything. His kids would come home and talk about things he felt like he missed. First time riding a bike. First concert. First time going to a friend's birthday. God, what kind of father was he to miss all these things? It wasn't like he had much of a choice, but he couldn't help feeling like a failure to them. He wanted to be better.  
  
But, even with his little beacons of joy around, something felt off. A numbness. A surreal feeling, like still nothing mattered, but Chase pretended that it did, because that was what he had to do. Pretend everything mattered. Pretend things were good and feel a little glad that they were too young to be aware of how pathetic and miserable their father really was. Too young to pick up on the small things, like the way sometimes Chase hugged them for just a bit too long.  
  
They were such good kids. Chase really did love them with everything he had, but that wasn't much. Every ounce of him loved his children more than anything in the world, and he knew that, just couldn't feel it all the time. He should appreciate the moments more. Give real smiles when his kids were around, laughing and shooting each other with Nerf guns. They deserved that much.  
  
But it wasn't like they knew, anyway.  
  
He got to see Stacy. It hurt a lot. It made him happy, which was what made it hurt so damn much. He shouldn't be so happy to see someone who hated him but he was. It was like he was stuck in time, stuck with the part of himself that still loved Stacy so much, and it was so hard sometimes to remember that she just didn't love him back. And it hurt to hear her say it, no matter how many times she did.  
  
It was just pathetic. Being so in love with someone who hated him like that. He couldn't just move on. Sometimes she was the only thing in the world he wanted. Sometimes he longed for her so hard that it hurt, it fucking destroyed him, so intense that he  _had_ to get himself as wasted as possible just to not hurt so much.  
  
God he missed her.


End file.
